Shots and more shots

We are underway with all of this Sci-Fi IVF stuff…shots every night so far has not been bad. I’m lucky that so far they have been “insulin needles” so virtually painless. Lady M came back from a work party last night totally drunk! So I was a little worried about her shot giving abilities–not her shot taking abilities but…she did just fine. I can’t wait til I have to yell at her to get up a deal with the babe.

I’m so excited and anxious about this IVF cycle. I hope there’s nothing wrong with my eggs…and I hope they get a lot of strong ones. We could certainly use them! I want four…or five babies…just not at once! It’s been a stressful month so far: my car is probably dead forever, so I’m spending a lot doing the car share rentals to get to my early ass appt’s and then bus-it to work, my computer at home crapped out, so I have to stay actually AT work soooo long to deal with my increasingly overwhelming job! It’s nuts right now…

But the only reason I’m still here, in the ray race, is for our family. It WILL happen soon. I just know it.

P.S. I asked M to become unionly civilized this summer for our 10 year anniversary! Yay for being separate but equal in ILLINOISE!

HCG after a month of BCP?? WTF.

Uh, okay. So I couldn’t start the IVF crazy giant box of medicines because there is apparently HCG in my blood. How the hell is that possible? What on earth does that mean? Have I gotten pregnant every single time and it hangs on like that hitchhiker in Tales from the Crypt?? THANKS FOR THE RIDE LADY…

Well, whatever, I go back to the Doc tomorrow morning to see if its finally let go! I had to get into a slight altercation with the pharmacist this morning because they told me that I could not refill my birth control pills because they are not due yet. I’m on the sugar pill days–but my Doc told me that I need to stay on the damn BCP until after I start the Lupron and the HCG is gone…I had to get all loud but needless to say, I got what I wanted and left. Hmm.

So this giant box of medicines arrived and I have to say that I am somewhat overwhelmed.  There are enough syringes to start a methadone clinic out of our bedroom!  I’m so thankful that M’lady has taken the meds kind of seriously. She reads them and uncharacteristically remembers much more than I do.  This is so fucking far from what we ever imagined for us to start a family.  We’re pretty granola and used to be even more so…M’lady won’t even eat artificial foods, so this is a long way for us.  But its a true testament to how committed we are to having a family of our own–and its a testament to how crazy this TTC journey can get.  You may stand at the other end of a two/three year journey and think…how the hell did we get here?  Who are we?

I’m more committed now than ever to returning to the people that we were.  I’m doing this IVF because I want a baby and a family for us, but it is not going to make or break me.  I am me–baby or not.  And we are us…parents or not.

The beautiful thing about us has always been our spirit.  We’re dreamers.  We moved to Phoenix on $400.  We passed through Nashville for one night and ended up staying 2 years.  We woke up one day and decided to leave Nashville, so we did, that day.  If this doesn’t work out–we’ll wake up one day and decide to bolt out of here too.  Together, still us.

Adoption just doesn’t feel right.  Even if I could afford it.  We’re both adoptees, so that seems really fucking stupid.  Maybe it is.  Maybe we will digest that and find a way.  I crossed the line of wanting to…but then realized that its just so expensive.  Its not fair.  Insurance companies should have to pay the adoption agency bills just like they would for me to have a baby!  What a crazy world we live in!  The systems don’t seem to care about the babies that are already here…but then we’re living proof of that.