God our lives swing in the craziest directions…
I’m still waiting for my surge. My cervix has moved farther away and we have started to see the “waterfall” of CM. We’ll see what happens tonight. I just hope that my pending cold doesn’t screw things up this time. I have been drinking water constantly in the hopes of battling it. We just have not had a good try since our first time…when I actually did end up with a weird chemical pregnancy kind of situation…
I have to admit that I was kind of thrilled to go to the clinic to pick up the vials in our rented tank and see that they had little red caps!! Little red caps for red skinned folks. I dig it…and our little Chickpea will too. I think the girl was surprised and thought–”oh these aren’t yours, cuz you’re ol’ whitey”–but alas–they are mine!! I really really want to get pregnant this time. I feel like it is finally time. When we started we were so out of sorts and confused about everything. But during the past few months we’ve really worked out some big dramas. I’m so thankful to have a lady that is so perfect for me. It kind of scares me sometimes and I think that maybe I dreamed her up and she really doesn’t exist…and maybe these past 7 and a half years were all just a long drawn out dream.
Especially because I think back on some of the middle parts and feel like I’m missing time. But not anymore. I know now what I was blinded with. It’s just so incredibly clear.
So to make things even more exciting, the lady has had it out with her bosses at work for the past few days and plans to put in her two weeks notice in the next few days. She’ll also be paid out on her vacation but it’s looking like we’re going to be flapping in the wind again. No where to really turn, in a city that eats people up and spits them out homeless every single day.
I’m frightened, but I can’t stand the thought of her being mistreated and unhappy another week–so fuck it! We’ll live. Somehow. We always do.
I’m feeling the creativity jag coming on so I better sign off and work on my latest script project and figure out where I can get a reasonable DV tap cleaner for our mac daddy camera.
Here’s to hoping that those two little red capped vials of colombian sperm are golden!
~F
