Sickness, but not just in the morning…

9DPO.
I woke up completely horribly nauseous yesterday and spent pretty much the entire day that way. I first woke up at 8am, but could not drag myself out of bed because of the heartburn and sick feeling in my stomach. I rolled and rolled and the hours ticked by…
Finally the lady got up and had to take care of all of the animals. I slowly dragged myself up and out for the day.

Despite my sicky feeling all day, we had a wonderful evening on our goldilocks excursion with the Bears. We went on a “Bears” Party Bus and saw a drag queen’s tupperw@re party/show. It was an absolute RIOT.

We did spend a small fortune on a salad spinner…after my embarrassing disclosure of not having one in front of all the straight women. They all gasped and dropped what they were working on to turn to me with the unison statement “YOU DON’T HAVE A SALAD SPINNER?”

Well, not anymore.

I’m sick again today. I’m dragging around the apartment feeling like I could barf all over the cats. That’d be nice for a change.

Lady M’s birthday is Wednesday. I hope that I’m in a little better stability for our dinner plans.

I had so much fun last night being picked on by the drag queen as the token lesbians in her huge Tupperw@re party.  We laughed and chatted with big hairy bears, and I burrowed up into my lady’s cleavage on the bus ride home…mesmerized by the glow-in-the-dark decorations & shiny mardi gras beads the mens had decorated her with.  I wanted nothing more than to rip her shirt off right there on the bus…

But by the time we took the L home and walked through Wrigleyville and all the drunkards of our neighborhood, I was heading back towards the black hole of nausea.  I was pathetic and missed my opportunity.  The same happened this morning.  The light was so nice in our room and her sexy black hair drapped over her mocha-latina body looked like breakfast to me–but then breakfast?  Yuck. Sorry, I wanted to puke too bad.

Ha.  I suck…
I hope she hasn’t noticed.

Two Weeks Waiting

Okay, well I don’t know how to say this without sounding a bit disgusting, but that has certainly never stopped me before.  I don’t know what it means, but my vag is HOT…I mean, HOT.  It feels like an inferno inside?  I hope that doesn’t mean that we missed my ovulation…

The timing seemed so perfect. My temperature had dipped, the egg white was “flowing forth” haaahhaha!, I was feeling creative, high sex drive (which means nothing), and after the first insemination, there were two strong twinges on my left side.  I didn’t know what to make of them…I still don’t, but it felt like “something.”  I assumed that it was me ovulating.  However, the egg white has really yet to stop and I guess that means that I haven’t ovulated???  Or maybe that just means that it closed up and what was left is still dropping?  GAD there are just so many places to second guess yourself–it’s quite maddening.

The weird thing is that now I have like NO SEX drive.  But apparently my egg white is supposed to dry up immediately after ovulation…but what is immediately in the realm of wet, sticky, pussy?  I mean, are we talking a day, 12 hours, 2 hours?  I should’ve pushed for funding in pussy research and tried to study it as both an art and a science.  Maybe we wouldn’t have to do all this guesswork!

Anyway, Mariela has complete confidence that our timing was right on and I gotta believe her.  She’s so good at convincing me.  It was absolutely the best weekend I’ve had in a long time.  We spent so much time together, just sitting or laying together, than we have since we moved to Chicago 3 years ago.  (Wow, three years ago this month!)  We also had a great time wandering around the gayborhood with no particular destination…

So besides not having a sex drive, I also have this dopey grin on my face like I’m on a date with Sister Morphine or somethin’.  It’s really funny because I took Mariela to work because the trains suck ass on Sundays.  We drove through Andersonville (the lesbian neighborhood of North Chicago) and there was a little outdoor arts festival going on and lesbians were everywhere.  It was really nice to just pass through and see dykes holding hands.  –That coupled with our visit to the new gay community center yesterday was like a big bright reminder of why we came here in the first place.

But I digress, the point was that I smiled all the way home, like some kinda dork.  I nearly rear ended two cars, walked a block in the rain for a pineapple, and had to turn my subwoofers almost OFF so that the vibration wouldn’t knock my peapod loose or out, and then I left said pineapple and groceries in the car.  I did it all smiling and didn’t even cuss one person.  I have a strange “full” kind of sensation on my leftish side and I’m not sure what to make of it.  It feels kinda like cramps?  I’m really sneezy too–last night I thought “Did this guy have a cold back when he donated?” I’m also kind of neverendingly hungry.  I’m wearing plaid, stripes, AND polka dots…and I feel like painting my face in clown make-up (which I tend to want to do at LEAST a few times a year and actually DO at least once a year).  And I’m much more tired than usual…especially for someone that sat with their legs up ALL EVENING.

Mariela left late last night to visit the “ShitBOX” DVD stand after we thoroughly enjoyed STRAIT JACKET (a heartwarming Joan Crawford classic about a mother and daughter).  She forgot the main door key and was forced to rely on the dog.  Well, he only carries our apartment key on his leash these days…so she had to stand around like a lurka outside the door and wait for a huzzy to emerge gussied up for a night on the town.  She didn’t want to ring the buzzer because I would have to get up…it was cute.  I’m glad she didn’t have to stay out there all night.

It’s hard to tell.  I mean, I’m crazy on a good day, so figuring pregnancy signals might be way too hard for me.  I keep telling myself that even if it doesn’t “stick” persay–I’m happy to have this time to feel pregnant anyway!

And I also have to say that I love driving through The Barrio, the hispanic neighborhood, because I like to look at all the olive toned kids and imagine what ours will look like…a girl can dream right?

"Settling" our first order…

I’m so excited that we’re going to order our first stash of sperm tomorrow…I never thought that would be something that I would get excited about…but life has a funny way of changing around on me.

I feel so caught up and twisted in this time of “settling” and becoming responsible for a family…and the ingrained need to run and experience the world.  Like the whole way to work today was spent trying to figure out how we could just up and move to L.A.  We aren’t the “settling down” types and I know that even with a baby we would still be unrealistic and unpredictable, to say the least.  But its just the quickly approaching winter that makes me unsettled.  I’m not ready for it to be this gray and dark when I wake up, but I am really really looking forward to these next three months of trying…after that…we may move thousands of miles away and “begin again”…

Speaking of dark and gray.  The weather this past weekend was horrible here in Chicago.  It was so humid and disgusting and then it RAINED forever.  Cars were almost completely underwater in parts of the city…we headed out for an exciting adventure to Pilsen to check out a wholesale fabric place that is supposed to be really awesome, not to mention a cool neighborhood in Chicago that we can’t live because of our jobs.  (It would have been perfect for completing the feng shui of our living room.)  We stopped at a cafe for lunch and parked Jettie in a swamp and then got soaked walking the 50 feet to the restaurant.  So then we were cold and gutted…

But had a great lunch and tried to convince ourselves to hustle out to REI instead to get rain boots.  After checking the iphone we realized that the Edens Exp was not moving…not very express.  So we walked in the rain for cat + dog food instead.  Then we went into the yuppie baby shoppe (with our dog food) and looked at the infant Halloween costumes and oooh’ed and ahhh’ed while disapproving and confused yuppie moms stared.

So in weather like that…where else is there to go?  I mean, seriously.  We drove straight to Target, the one that’s slightly further away…just because it has completely covered parking and an underground entrance!  To hell with walking in the rain in Birkenstocks!  So we had a blast going through Target as we always do…We act like it’s a park, only indoors and with lots of capitalistic crap everywhere…

Mariela keeps taking me to the breastfeeding isle of stuff because I know she can see the anxiety all over my face about the whole idea.  She’s promised to be my “lactation consultant,” but I think she’s just being a creep.  It all looks so complicated and overwhelming…so she’s trying to build up my immunities by making me go down that isle every time we’re in a Targetto.

We spent the rest of the weekend hanging out together and doing the Wii Fit.  Mariela is like obsessed with it!  It’s hilarious.  I cannot believe that something so simple can make me sweat so quickly!  We’re such typical competitive women that we strive for the higher score every time so it keeps us going.  We’ve been doing it for only a week and M looks completely different!  Her posture is totally better!  And she’s also really cute in her little work out shorts, playin’ hula hoop without a hoop.

We had to return the “rechargeable” battery pack to Be$t Buy…Mariela cracked me up at the counter telling the girl…“I’m just trying to get fit–dang.” Hahaha…they just felt sorry for her because they’re…well iggnunt.  I laughed because she’s hysterical.